OK here it is: I think Rambo is freaking awesome! And I am not ashamed to say it.

Rambo has evolved over the years. I always limited myself to watching only the first Rambo film, as it has some merit as an anti war film and surprisingly only one person dies. But then last year I saw a 4 minute trailer for Rambo (the fourth film in the series) which revealed it to be possibly one of the most violent films ever made. In this trailer people were blown in half, shot in half, chopped in half, exploded, mashed up and generally dead-ed. I was filled with the same primeval exhilaration of a teenager watching an 18 certificate for the first time. I remember the visceral thrill of seeing Terminator in secret at a far too young age (or maybe exactly the right age). And then my dad coming in just as Arnie plopped his eyeball out into the sink…

I went to see the first Rambo film in 20 years in a practically deserted cinema on my own – all my friends pussied out. This could have been something to do with my forcing them to come and see Aliens versus Predator: Requiem. By the way AVPR is the worst film ever made and I was wishing it to be even slightly bearable – but no – its the worst. Boyed by the fact I was going to see 2 people die every minute and it couldn’t possibly be as bad as AVPR I found myself gripped by by one of the most unabashed orgies of militaristic violence committed to celluloid for – well probably 20 years.

As silly over the top action films go Rambo is by no means bad. It has a suitable plot involving rescuing people with a team of spec-ops hardmen in tow – reminiscent of some of the better computer games out there. Rambo is like a Solid Snake in a Call of Duty 4 forest scene. The military action plays out like an extreme story you’d read about the SAS and allows suspension of disbelief in a way the likes of Commando and Rambo 3 merrily sacrificed. And like all the Rambo films it has politics. Politics with the subtlety of a sledgehammer but apparently the Burmese freedom fighters, who feature in the film in a somewhat cartoonish fashion, have adapted Rambo’s line ‘Live for Nothing, Die for Something’.

Ultimatley Sly Stallone has come along and put the likes of Segal, Lungren and Van Damme at the back of the queue with this cinematic feat. I think the statistics say it all:

click image to see stats

Score: 9/10*

*I would like to point out that this is a points based score.

Recently I saw three films on DVD that I didn’t bother going to the cinema for because I thought they looked a bit crap. Imagine my surprise when the films in question all turned out NOT to be crap!

Layer Cake
Imdb link
Dir: Matthew Vaughn
Date: 2004
Length: 105min

Layer Cake has been out for ages now, I don’t know why I never saw it. I suppose it’s main importance as a film is as a pre Bond Daniel Craig reference point. I had only ever seen him in Munich where he was an angry South African Mossad version of Bond, in Layer Cake he is Bond like but also does his Daniel Craig thing as well. This film is also of note as it’s the only thing I have seen Sienna Miller in. In the last few years of Sienna Miller press coverage I have constantly been left thinking ‘who the fuck is this person?’. Now it appears she’s famous because she’s in this for 5 minutes.
It’s the cast of Layer Cake that makes this film so enjoyable, it has a thrilling plot and loads of violence too, but its great to see Dexter Fletcher get some work. And Colm Meaney is really good in it, acting his heart out as if to make up for all those years of standing next to a transporter console. And of course Michael Gambon’s there too, like an evil Dumbledore. My only complaints are too much voice over and crap very end. With this film I had a Chinese from Headington’s excellent ‘Yumi’. Score: 7/10

The Departed
Imdb link
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Date: 2006
Length: 151min

The Departed got 4 Oscars so finally it was time to see it. I didn’t bother in the past due to the presence of Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon. The all star cast is made up from nearly everyone in the Team America Federation of Actors Guild (F.A.G.). Although you’d have to swap Sean Penn with Ray Winston (which is an interesting concept in itself). Anyway this film is a proper Scorsese effort nearly getting up there with Goodfellas on many occasions. DiCaprio and Damon turn out to be quite bearable. Jack Nicholson also does an amazing impression of a rat in it. In fact everyone in this film is good, but you actually forget about the actors and Scorsese due to the super tense Cops and Robbers plot.

Its an epic weighing in at two and a half hours but I experienced no arse numbness and bearly noticed the passage of time, which is an essential quality in the long ones. I was dissapointed when I found out it was a remake of Asian movie ‘Infernal Affairs’ which I subsequently had a look at the other day. But I think ‘The Departed’ is a worthy re-working of the story and I certainly found it easier to follow, so I don’t think its was a lesser rip off. Worth seeing for Ray Winston’s death scene alone. With this film I had greek style lamb. Score: 8/10

Little Miss Sunshine
Imdb link
Dir: Jonathan Dayton
Valerie Faris
Date: 2006
Length: 101 min

Unlike the previous two films Little Miss Sunshine is not a hardcore tense ultra violent gangster film with sex and drugs – one of the reasons I didn’t bother with it in the cinema. I thought it was some rubbish Rom-Com with Jennifer Aniston in it. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Little Miss Sunshine is actually a very funny road movie featuring a totally dysfunctional family on their way to a beauty pageant for little kids. The humour is pretty dark at times, but very well balanced with the emotional moments of the film. The sentimentality never vears into mawkish over the top nausea that so many American comedies can. Little Miss Sunshine’s cast was excellent once again, I am a fan of Steve Carell which is what persuaded me to watch the film in the first place. And this film got two Oscars, so it must have done something right!. With this I had Roquefort Steak and roast potatoes with mange tout (Rodney). Score: 7.9/10

Imdb link
Dir: Martin Campbell
Date: 2006
Length: 144min

Ridiculously over-hyped films bring out one of two reactions in me. Either I ignore them completely or go and see them immediately. I actually managed to see the Usual Suspects on TV, without knowing the twist. I had a similar experience with ‘Fight Club’ thinking it was just a crappy Pitt/Norton Vehicle rather than one of the most awesome films of all time.

On the flipside I managed to be one of the first people in the world to see ‘Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones’ at the Liecester Square Odeon at 10.30am, introduced by Anthony Daniels (C3P0) and about 30 Stormtroopers. And of course I was in line on the opening night of ‘Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring’. On that occasion I was wearing a pair of hobbit ears and my friends were refusing to take their tickets from me in the foyer as a result. Luckily the situation was diffused by the Orc T-shirt clad leather jacketed employees of the local Games Workshop charging through the queue shouting ‘nobody tosses a Dwarf’ – thereby indicating this was at the very least their 2nd viewing of the film. A display of cinema geekiness comparable only with the behaviour of the Banbury Comic shop owner after the premier of Alien 4 or perhaps when I sat next to a person dressed as a Borg at the special preview night of ‘Star Trek: First Contact’.

I had no such problems with Casino Royale. A simple afternoon visit, after opening weekend, left me pleasantly surprised by this addition to the Bond milieu. I have seen every Bond film at least twice and have read every book. At least I have read the Ian Fleming books, I refuse to read other so-called Bond titles. There is no way in my mind that they could capture the same brand of misogyny, snobbery, sadism and insecurity that Fleming injects into his work. Casino Royale has all of those qualities, and quite deliberately so. During the film alarm bells started to ring, there were no exploding helicopters, no hint of a bomb to be defused at the last minute and definatley not a sniff of a big ninja fight in a volcano. Even the dialogue between Bond and the very sexy leading lady was … intelligent?

In summary I would say this is the ‘Batman Begins’ of the Bonds. Better than the Brosnan era, less epic than ‘The World is Not enough’ but takes itself similarly seriously. The grittiness of the Dalton films is achieved through a properly sculpted script. And the class of the Connery is there in spades (literally). I always thought that Lazenby was a more than adequate Bond, but the controversy involved in Craig as a Bond choice is not dissimilar. In fact the only Bond I have trouble connecting Craig to is Roger Moore, which in purist terms is no bad thing. Casino Royale lacks the out and out cheesiness that the Moore series had -it is in this area that the film desperately tries to be super cool. As the uber buffed Craig pastes the shit out of multiple baddies I can’t help feeling we will look back on this in 10 years time as the epitome of 2006 naffness.

7.5/10

“you wot?”

Imdb link
Dir: Alfonso Cuarón
Date: 2006
Length: 109 min

*MILD SPOILER ALERT* *ITS GOOD JUST GO AND SEE IT*

In one scene the camera pans past a field of mouldy burnt cows, a polluted ditch and a smog belching town in the background. This is supposed to be the Britain of 2027 but in looks more like 1998 to me. Throughout Children of Men Britain is depicted as a facist state thats falling apart. Scenes continually reference modern troubles brought home to a future Blighty. Chinooks sweep across empty fields, reminding me of Gleneagles 2005. The explosive finale takes place in a Bexhill refugee camp with machine gun totting crusties battling tanks. The actions scenes are so full on it makes you think what it would be like to be in Lebanon recently or Gaza a lot of the time (or playing Battlefield 2 on maximum settings).
The central premise of the film is based on PD James’ book of the same name. The idea being that humanity is now infertile and dieing out, however a frazzled character Theodore Faron (Clive Owen) finds himself having to protect the first pregnant woman in 18 years. This ‘humanity in peril’ is used by Alfonso Cuar√≥n to take the viewer on a tour of Britain totally fucked. Where Palestine and Iraq have become the worlds future. As a result the film has an underlying bleak tension that at points becomes almost unbearable.
For me this film ticked nearly all the boxes, sci-fi, post-apocalyptic (although really its plain apocalyptic), thriller, in Britain. Its everything I wanted from V for Vendetta but didn’t get. It reminds me of earlier dystopian films like The Handmaids Tale – while ostensibley Sci-Fi are more about the present than anything else. There is also a tiny little Mad Max in there, any film set in future Britain will have 1984 overtones . At times felt like an updated version of Threads, its certainly had its ultra-bleak moments. I was pleased to see Michael Caine as a weed puffing political cartoonist listening to roots manuva, and the evil dude from Serenity (Chiwetal Ejiofor) being extremley cool too. Readers of the book may have a problem with it though. I just love the way the makers of the film went to town on the concept of ‘fucked up Britain in 2027′. Readers of Shiptonblog may realise its somthing I’m totally obsessed with from my posts on the future of Britain and particulary the demise of business parks.

9/10

East Oxford Community Centre

This year I attended Caption on the 5^th of August (my birthday). I was still assembling the Anarchy Annual at lunchtime that day (a great way to spend your birthday morning). Caption is a small press comic convention, a meeting place for people who make their own underground comics. So it was an excellent birthday treat, but I couldn’t go without my own comic! Of course the Annual was created using all the latest comic techniques, Photoshop, Illustrator, proper PDF’s. But I was able to maintain the essence of hand made comics by mass producing it in the Cowley Road Oxfam photocopier next door to the East Oxford Community Centre where Caption was taking place.

Caption was enjoying its 15^th year in the new venue, having previously been held at the Oxford Union and then Wolfson College. I felt that the seedy environs of the Community Centre enhanced the Caption experience in a very appropriate way, particularly its subsidised bar. I usually only stumble into the place very late at night Рit’s an excellent place to drink cans of Red Stripe and observe the weirder side of Oxford life.

The best thing about an event like Caption is you meet other people who are just as obsessed as you are with comics, art, manga, anime, computer games, printing, sci fi, fantasy and all manner of other interests. This year I met Matthew Craig who had sent me a script via an excellent piece of blogrolling on Bugpowder (the premier Small Press comics news site). I also met a chap called Kieron Gillen who had just returned from the San Diego comic-con (Caption x1,000,000) promoting his brand new comic Phonogram (which is reviewed here on Shiptonblog). I also attend a seminar on the subject of Cutting Edge Comics presented by Dan Goodbrey hypercomics pioneer. I was able to contribute several fantastic comments and questions, aided by my three pints of cider on a relatively empty stomach. After which I had to leave to continue an evening of traditional birthday binge drinking.

I am already looking forward to next years Caption, where I plan to leave a comic on the ‘For Sale’ table rather than the ‘Free’ table.

Caption – official website
Bugpowder – small press comic portal
Anarchy Annual (link and annual not present due to me being unable to upload anything in La France)
Matthew Craig – prolific comics chap and now Anarchy Annual contributor
Kieron Gillen – very interesting Blog
Phonogram – comic by Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie
Dan Goodbrey – hyper comics pioneer

Imdb link
Dir: Gore Verbinski
Date: 2006
Length: 150 min

For the first hour and a half I had absolutely no idea what the fuck was going on, until a pirate explained the entire plot to another pirate while rowing a boat. The film then effectively repeated itself for what seemed like another 3 hours. I was of course backing the baddies, as Tom Hollander who played the No1 baddie is my old biology teachers’ son.

It’s my mother‚Äôs opinion that none of the actors actually met each other and were all bluescreened in. She said “it would have helped if they had actually acted”. Johnny Depp was great, although his Kieth Richards impression was not as good as the first film. Kiera Bloody Knightly and her big anorexic head with stupid eyebrows pissed me off more than you can possibly imagine. Her film presence of ‚Äúooh er Im Kiera Knightly you will have read about me ad nauseam in the mags gutter press etc so I don‚Äôt have to act‚Äù was grating beyond belief and actually made Orlando Bloom look acceptable! Everyone else was completely irrelevant and was clearly just there for the cash.

I was momentarily interested when they had a load of new Asian and Indian crewmates at the beginning of the film. However they were immediately put in a cage of human bones and thrown to their deaths. More or less everyone else in the film was white, strange that. The sailors of the high seas in the ‚Äòpirating era‚Äô this film is supposed to be set in were very ethnically diverse. Pirates of the Caribbean 2 is a film that is confused about whether it‚Äôs a fantasy film or a pirate film, and could not define its own boundaries. Are people actually in danger of death? No, so why should we be worried when a big fucking cgi squid comes along and kills everyone who had no lines until “aieeeee”? It won‚Äôt get the main characters, and even if they do it doesn‚Äôt matter, they‚Äôre needed for the next film! So facts like “it takes 130 men to crew a square rigged ship such as the black pearl not 6″ can be flagrantly ignored. No doubt this explains why the idea of picking up a diverse crew from the worlds ports can be forgotten too.

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 is a typical Hollywood cash-in rip-off. It has the hall marks of a film having experienced development hell in every aspect apart from that of the budget. I love films that have undergone development hell and have been butchered in the editing room, had stroppy actors and sinking sets. Werner Herzog’s Klaus Kinski experiences and films such as Aguirre Wrath of God and Fitzcoraldo are incredibly important to me. Alien3 is a marvel as David Fincher’s genius shines through, as does the malevolence of the main character, the alien, despite the films troubles. I also have a taste for the post apocalyptic and as a result I liked Mad Max 3 and actually stopped hating Hook when I realised how much Spielberg had ripped MM3 off (scene for scene).

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 is not as intrinsically fascinating as Herzog’s work, nor fascinatingly flawed as Alien 3 and neither is it as an appalling a cash-in rip off of the Hook variety. All of these routes to liking a film were cut off to me. And worst of all I could not appreciate it purely for its special effects. There were too many! I loved the fishy seamen, but they were over done, I spent the whole time trying to work out what sea-life the one on the left was related to, rather than listening to the plot and characters. I suppose the fact that as there were no characters or plot it didn’t matter too much.

This film needed someone with balls to come along and scissor it to death in the editing room. But it’s made its money back, so who gives a shit?

3/10

Imdb link
Dir: Bryan Singer
Date: 2006
Length: 154 min

This film was OK. I would recommend seeing it for the first half, especially the bit with the plane. You will see the ultimate Superman action possible. The rest is pretty much rubbish. Some points:

• Not as good as the first one.
• Metropolis was a simple New York rip off unlike the entirely new Gotham of Batman Begins
• I was pleased to see Gotham name checked
• Louis lane was a miserable cow, Teri hatcher and Margot Kidder are a pair of Vivian Lieghs in comparison
• Sad to see the Daily News building no longer used for the Daily Planet
• Louis Lane’s Metropolis riverside house would be a disused dock/hipster wine bar in Redhook Brooklyn in real New york
• Why did Superman have a Kid??
• Supes‚Äô sprog is going to have major issues due to discovering a surrogate father, killing a man and witness his mother nearly die in traumatic circumstances, a ticking emotional time bomb denied the stability of his fathers all American/cosmic crystal upbringing
• There were hardly any black people in it
• Clearly influenced by the work of Alex Ross, which is a good thing

Score: 7 ¬Ω / 10

Well last night I attended the Bon Jovi concert with the GF.

Milton Keynes Bowl is a really good venue. It’s an open air grassy ampitheatre with plenty of room for the 65,000+ people watching JBJ.

The concert itself was fantastic. It was highly enjoyable classic pop rock, JBJ was a total professional as he theatrically leapt about the stage. Starting right on time at 8pm the show really began as they blasted into their second number ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’.

The atmosphere was really positive, everyone there loved Bon Jovi! The setlist was peppered with the classics, ‘Bad Medicine’, a splendid rendition of ‘Living on a Prayer’ and the crowd took over for ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’. Surprisingly ‘Runaway’ was there too, which is rare for JBJ these days. In a moment reminiscent of when Mick lets Kieth sing. guitarist Richie Sambora took over for rock ballad ‘Ill be there for you’ which he growled through in a bluesy fashion. JBJ finished the 2nd encore with fiery rendition of ‘Keep the Faith’. All in all a quality bit of stadium rock, and incredibly good fun too!