I hate Wimbledon. This year it’s interrupting the continous flow of World Cup information from radio 5Live (now off). If I hear one word about Wimbledon I am liable to fly into an uncontrollable rage.

10 reasons why Wimbledon is so crap:

1. Obsession with pedantic petty rules.
2. Tennis (which I also hate).
3. Idiots queueing for eternity as corporate ticket holders waltz past.
4. Timbo ‘the tiger’ Henman.
5. Over priced Strawberrys.
6. Interuption of TV Schedules.
7. Middle England shouting lame things like ‘come on Tim’ but ONLY when they are allowed to.
8. Stupid over enthusiastiuc ball collectors.
9. Cliff Fucking Richard.
10. Tennis Pundits.

I feel sorry for Tim Henman. He has dedicated his life to Tennis. And he isn’t going to win Wimbledon.. ever. Therefore he is crap (according to the pundits, who he could probably beat at Tennis any day of the week). Soon he will retire and become a TV Tennis pundit and minor celebrity. That is a fate worse than death. It is so awful it has inspired me to write my first poem:

Tim Tim you’ll never win,
Why don’t you fuck off,
and do somthing more interesting instead.

It seems that the kitchen has become ‘dirty’. It has also been brought to my attention that I am ‘messy’. Initial ideas such as ‘ignore it and maybe it will go away’ have not been met with approval. It seems that a “Wash it as you use it for Gods sake” policy is now to be brought into operation. While I am unfamiliar with this approach it appears that implementation is compulsory. Suggestions such as ‘why not heat beans by placing the (open) can in hot water there by only requiring the cleaning of forks’ and ‘ready meals and chips need not be taken out of wrapping when eaten’ are also unsuitable.¬†

A useful guide

Last night I was sitting in the pub and the entertaining footage of the German riot police pummeling England fans came on the TV at the exact same time as ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ by Guns and Roses started on the jukebox.